Image of Simonova and Bond, (James Bond).

This post was written back in 2016, but as it is the best advice I have ever seen which is written about successfully being a sex worker’s client successfully, I contacted the writer and asked if I could put it here.  Thank you to the client, known as Slowhand, who is much-loved by many sex workers.  

So you want to make the best return on your investment, get the most bang for your buck.

This gets you through the door, congratulations, some guys don't get this far. Share on X

Read on, here’s how.

How to punt

Make contact politely and clearly, read the ad, put your desires across nicely, be accommodating and arrive on time. This gets you through the door, congratulations, some guys don’t get this far.

Be clean, really clean, smile, relax, tell the girl she looks great, pay the money happily, pay a little more maybe, have a shower. While showering get clean. Be nice. This gets you to first base. But if you get any of these wrong you’re on a slippery slide to disappointment.

And if you struggle with these basic ideas it’s probably pointless reading any further.

Remember that you’re here for a good time. Don’t be distracted by the quality of the towels or the shower pressure. Focus on having a good time. Sexy time. You’re not here for the shower.

At this point the girl has many worries. They’re all about you. These worries are a real hurdle to your ultimate goal. She worries here that you could be any of these nasty things:
A stinky dude. Mate what were you thinking?
A sadist. Arsehole
A natural requester. Destined for disaster, one way or the other.
A cold fish that doesn’t say a word. Weird.
A faller in lover.
A stalker
A crazed druggie
An overstayer. Dude your hour’s up.

This list is not exhaustive but you get the picture. I hope.

Now this girl is a black belt in sussing men out… Share on X

So here’s the trick; you put her mind at ease. This is tricky, you can’t just blurt out and and say, I’m not a stalker…. No, you need to plant the idea in her head, you need to use body language and suggestion. Now this girl is a black belt in sussing men out, you need to be convincing. You need to totally behave as if you’re not any of those dodgy people. The best way to do this is to not BE any of those dodgy people, because then your act is convincing, cos it’s not an act. Simple really.

Now this next bit is the part that a lot of guys find difficult. Contrary to popular belief, this girl would love nothing more than to party with you. She’s a party girl, she knows how to have a good time, she’d like that good time to be you. You could be the highlight of her day, the good dude, the happy dude, that had a great time with her. True there are girls that don’t wanna be there, and just want ya to to blow and go, but you’ve done your research right? You’re not at some dodgy parlour at 150 an hour right? No, this girl is the real thing, got a good rep, she’s makin’ a career of it and havin’ a good time. And nothing would suit her better than having you walk through her door, the good dude.

You could be the ugliest fattest dude on the planet, but you can still be the good dude.

And what does the good dude get that the dodgy dude doesn’t? Probably nothing more than this girl actually WANTING to show you a good time, and having the means to do it. And when they’re in that mood, you’d have to be a cold fish indeed not to have the time of your life. That’s what you get.

There’s more. Be gentle. These pussies get a pounding. Your girlfriend might have liked it rough and passionate early on but these girls like to maintain their equipment. But try this: your first contact with this pussy, whether it’s your fingertips or your tongue, make it gentle, so so gentle, and then listen to her breathing, you’ll hear it, that sigh of relief, my god, this is dude’s a keeper. And then carry on like this. At some point you might be gently licking on that pussy, as gentle as you can, and she might suddenly grab you by the ears and ram your face in, at which point, and this point only, you can safely assume that a little more pressure is desirable.

If this blowjob is taking you to the moon and back then for fuck's sake say so. Share on X

Now because you’re a good dude, this girl really wants to show you her stuff. It’s partly a sense of a job well done, but it’s also pride. I can blow this guy’s mind. But she’s only going to feel this if you’re a good dude. And when she’s in THIS mood you’re in for a real treat, just lay back and enjoy it. But not quite. Because she’s got this pride thing going on she wants some feedback. If this blowjob is taking you to the moon and back then for fuck’s sake say so, even if it’s just an ecstatic grunt. Or wriggle your ass or something. But even better, if you’re thinking fuck this is awesome, then you say, fuck this is awesome! And then she’s happy too.

Now some of you might be thinking, I’m paying a shitload of money, why should I be doing the hard work? Why can’t I just go in there, be my slobby self, let her do it all. Well you can do that. You’ll have a pretty girl sucking on your knob sure enough. That’s her job. But she won’t be wanting to get you going, she’ll be wanting to get you gone.

But you’re the good dude.

You might go back. Here’s where it gets interesting. You’re back because she wants you back. Well done, congratulations, you’ve passed the test. A lot of guys don’t. Forever doomed to an ever decreasing amount of unsuspecting girls that will see them. And the fact that you convinced them that you’re a good dude the first time, because you ARE a good dude, means that this encounter kicks off from a very good place.

You're a good dude, a very good dude, but she ain't falling in love. Share on X

Then you might go back again. She might ask you to stay a little longer. Well done, these things happen to the good dude. First thing, don’t go tell everyone about it, especially in a review, cos some dodgy dudes gonna go round and see her and expect it. Second thing, the biggy, she’s not falling in love with you. You’re a good dude, a very good dude, but she ain’t falling in love. Make the mistake of thinking this, and all of your hard work will fall around your ears. And YOU’RE not falling in love either. Are you?

So that’s about it. Follow these instructions carefully and you’ll have a good time. You’ll have times that are, trust me, way, way, way better than you ever imagined. Unbelievable times.