Man With Seven Women by Kitao Shigemasa*
About 12 years ago, I ran a brothel in Christchurch where all sorts of ladies came from far and near to rent working rooms from me. I was just a newbie in the post-decrim sex industry and thanks to these interesting people I learned a lot.
One lady I met was Indian Heer from Auckland who frequently stayed at my house and occasionally we toured together. I got to know her very well and we even met up on an overseas holiday together and I met her long-term partner. If you don’t know Heer, she is beautiful inside and out and wise beyond anyone I’ve met in the industry – really a smart cookie. She is a supreme networker and she taught me a lot about the industry, for which I am forever grateful.
Heer also introduced me to this place known as the forum for sex industry participants, both ladies and clients. She lives for reviews and also the prizes at the end of the year industry awards. There were rumours of prejudices against her, but she eventually got her prizes and I have to say, they were well-deserved. Anyway, Heer showed me how to join the forum and before long I had my first review and it was a good one. From there I got many more reviews, not one of them bad. I was flattered and honoured, and super grateful to my wonderful clients who made the effort to write about me, it was a great boost to my business.
That particular forum is a wealth of resources for both sex industry clients and escorts. At that time, many of us escorts chatted, promoted, laughed, joked, shared and supported each other and our favourite clients on the forum. We welcomed newbie clients and idolised some of the forum ladies from afar. Often we met up in person, and occasionally some of the ladies did not quite match up in person, or people ganged up together against a particular person – one who copped a lot was a sweet, gentle lady called Missy, now out of the industry. I hope Missy felt that I always had her back during this skullduggery.
We had dinners and other get-togethers with groups of clients too. All was glittering, but sadly not necessarily gold. Some people used the forum to weaponise reviews against ladies, hinting at the possibility of bad reviews to pressure escorts they were visiting. The ladies soon found out who the actual “nice guys” were. Some people didn’t quite have the social finesse and got banned and ostracised from the forum. Forum participants could report posts which broke the carefully written rules – rules to protect the safety and privacy of both clients and ladies – and they reported often. People really cared about that forum.
The forum owner was also the owner of the main online ad agency where the elite girls advertise. The forum is a huge advantage to the ladies who advertise for many reasons, including that each lady’s photo was part of an image slider at the top of the forum linking back to each advertisement. All the clicks on each lady’s image helped the algorithm recognise her ad as a popular webpage and overall increased the necessary popularity of the ad agency’s site overall, even the existence of the links back to each advertisement was a big help. Most ladies had a link to their advertising in every post they made online, so for the thousands of times I posted, I have that number of links back to my advertising. I believe this accounts largely for why I am so easy to find online.
Having the image slider of ladies’ advertising at the top of the forum was also beneficial overall, as I’m sure many a forum participant made a booking as a result of the lady’s ads being so often exposed to them. For the same reason, the existence of the links on every lady’s posts back to her advertisement was useful for the same practical reasons.
It was a big job for the forum owner to moderate everything and it was necessary because people can be weird online when they are anonymous (beyond just lacking social or other skills). Eventually the forum owner tried some community moderators. Some came and went, then one day Heer put my name forward to the forum moderator and I agreed to do it. I saw a lot behind the scenes, I could see all the people who reported posts and got to understand why some rules were more important than others – always related to the safety of ladies AND clients.
Safety of the clients is equally important – the environment may feel safe and secure among like-minded hedonistic men who are only there to help each other get the hot sex they deserve and not be ripped off, kind of like a group of mature gents from the same private school, now members of an exclusive old boys club, all for one and one for all. However, while the occasional legitimate orgy was organised by men with their favourite sex workers, I have also seen attempts to catfish clients by so-called fellow punters, including one memorable attempt by someone posing as a man offering a free or cheap experience with his lady-friend, she just needed to receive a small deposit and see a photo of prospective sexual partners first.
Safety of sex workers is obviously also important so providing addresses of ladies’ locations resulted in many bans. On another occasion, a man offered to share face photos secretly taken of a sex worker, presumably in a booking – he was also instantly banned.
Even though the industry is now legal, there are still men who resent sex workers and want to cause them harm, either to their business and sometimes even physically, often couched in language like “it’s a wonder she hasn’t been beaten, she’d better watch out … “ or “I am paying for this so I keep them in line by … “ Eventually many men with these dangerous beliefs were banned from the forum and it was my pleasure to do this. The other community moderator, a clever gentleman who can see through BS, was less enthusiastic with the ban hammer, I guess he was the good cop – however, while no longer a client, he is a champion for sex workers and I am glad that he remains. Many people contacted us behind the scenes and it was great to be able to help them. We always protected their anonymity however many forum members started to get pretty angry that so many were getting banned, even after they had reported them! Oh well.
Ladies became less active on the forum and often when they did appear they were put off by boring posts and circular arguments, or sometimes just ignored. Intelligent men mostly abandoned the forum too. Sometimes you can’t have nice things.
Like Heer, I encouraged new ladies to join the forum and the ones that did so received great reviews that helped their business. However the forum is not just useful for reviews, it is useful for the many sticky threads that were written to help clients and ladies who came after tham. Posts for beginner clients, advice for ladies about certain matters often related to safety on a special forum only accessible to them. Reading the reviews of other ladies and discussions by clients can give ladies an idea about what certain clients are after (and sometimes who to avoid).
After 11 years hanging out on the forum – reading reviews, occasionally chatting, starting threads or just joining in – gave me a lot of useful information about the industry. Things that weren’t sugar-coated, straight from the horses’ mouths. Fascinating. For the last few years though, my heart wasn’t really in it any more. People change. A forum is really only the sum of its participants at any one time.
So why did I stay so long? I have to blame ludic looping for this.
I remember being in Japan and watching people pass their time in pachinko parlours – basically they sit in a chair in front of a machine that they put little balls into and eventually win little balls which they then put back in the machine. Completely pointless, but a shot of dopamine kept them in those seats in front of the machines. It seemed there was a pachinko parlour on every corner, there was certainly many dotted around the area I lived.
Looking or posting on the forum became part of my quotidian routine, even though I came to realise that behind the pixels were many people I actually did not like very much, including some who had once been my clients (whom I used to really like). I did not need to give away my time and energy to them anymore. Regardless, I do feel though that we should be grateful to the people who have doggedly stayed on. Actually like me, they are sucked into the ludic loop of scrolling on the forum, just like those who only lurk from afar. I guess the conversation will eventually run out as the fish get bigger and the pond gets smaller. Oh well.
Regardless of anything that it is thought I have implied above to the contrary, I think forums for the sex industry are fantastic places, and I sincerely thank Heer for taking me there. The forum I belonged to was sometimes educational for both clients and ladies and as mentioned, great networking opportunities for them as well. And it was often a laugh! Forums are not all bad, and just because I am no longer there, it is not for me to judge anyone who chooses to wile away their time in that particular ludic loop.
Meanwhile, another forum started, comprised of many of the banned members from the original forum, their supporters and likely much younger men who are presumably unable to relate to the mainly older clients and former clients who remain on the original forum. They will be enjoying the dopamine hits of ludic looping on that forum. I have not been on the new forum (although I am aware that I have an imposter, that is, someone who has signed up under my name and they are creating quite the stir, rarking a few old dears up in the process). I do not intend to bother with forums any more, although if I did, it would be the original forum for all the benefits to and protection of advertisers and their good clients which I have described above.
Even though the new forum does not benefit ladies in the same way that the original forum does – with boosts to their ads via links back and image sliders not to mention the benefits of active moderation – I would encourage ladies to go where the action is, let their presence be seen and their opinions be read. The ladies and their voice are needed.
As titillation, forums can be a great way for ladies to get their personality out there, beyond what they can provide in their advertising profile (and an extension of their advertising). Also, as education – I admire ladies who have the time to educate clients and I certainly hope that they are listened to. It would do them well for clients to pay attention to the point of view of the ladies who want the industry to continue safely for all.
In my case, despite not being on any forums any more for several months now, I have been told by a few acquaintances and friends that I am still significant enough to occasionally be talked about (and did I mention I have an imposter? The sincerest form of flattery). That is pretty good going for a sex worker in her golden years. I have no idea what is said, but some of it must be nice as this does bring some new clients to my advertising and then to me. I am always happy to hear from clients that they found out about me originally through forums – although these hotties who see me are lurkers, not active participants. So for those who are kind online about me, even though I do not read your words anymore, I hope you are reading this, so that you know how I appreciate you!
So why am I no longer on any sex industry forums? Well, it is not like I don’t interact with any men online as Amber O’Hara. I still have my Facebook page where I recently posted some new photos and received a lot of feedback about which ones to use in my advertising. I also have my Mature Friends group, a quiet place for anyone not needing drama for a dopamine hit. It’s just a nice place to hang out occasionally.
The real reason that I am no longer on any forums is because I realise in this life I have limited time and energy and I want to spend it elsewhere on things that are more important to me. I don’t need to give any time or energy to people I don’t even like by reading their comments or writing posts for their comments. This is definitely the best thing I came to realise when I decided to leave forums behind forever.
What did I learn from 11 years hanging out on forums? That all marketing demographics will happily disclose a lot about themselves and what they need online, given the chance – some of this is hidden behind bravado, but becomes easy to recognise – and this information is gold. That clients love ladies of all different shapes, sizes and ages. That what someone doesn’t like about you, the right client for you will love. That it is not useful to re-read shit or to give a bad review thread a second read. That someone else will tell you if there is something truly worrying. That networking is useful, particularly observing the networking kings and queens closely but from the sidelines. That you can’t please all of the people all of the time. That there is no such thing as bad publicity. That what someone doesn’t like about you, the right client for you will love (yes, I know I have already said that but I am repeating it because it is important). That everything we write (especially about other people) speaks volumes about ourselves. That there is a place for me (and you, dear reader) in this industry and on these forums. That roses (and coffee) smell great when you take some time to go offline and smell them.
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*Man With Seven Women by Kitao Shigemasa Private Collection.
A man in an elegant house of prostitution attempting to satisfy seven women at the same time. Fantasies of this sort are rare in Japanese shunga prints, unlike in Indian art, where the image of one man with many women epitomizes the sexual ideal of the hero. Shunga, which translates to “spring pictures,” (spring being a euphemism for sex) refers to erotic prints or paintings created in the ukiyo-e style. Ukiyo-e flourished between the 17th and 19th centuries. In 1603, the city of Edo (Tokyo) became the seat of the ruling Tokugawa shogunate. The chōnin class (merchants, craftsmen and workers), positioned at the bottom of the social order, benefited the most from the city’s rapid economic growth. They began to indulge in and patronize the entertainment of kabuki theatre, geisha, and courtesans of the pleasure districts. The term ukiyo (‘floating world’) came to describe this hedonistic lifestyle. Printed or painted ukiyo-e works were popular with the chōnin class, who had become wealthy enough to afford to decorate their homes with them.