Oh my.  To my delight, my phone has been ringing lately with a few gentlemen who actually express that they have an intention for me to also come (or cum, but I prefer the other spelling).  I think it is wonderful that for whatever reason, and there are probably many motivations for this, men are wanting women to experience pleasure like they do. I feel obliged to put out this gentle reminder though that female orgasm is not as simple as that.

I have touched on this in another blog post where I mention why some ladies, particular those in parlours, feel a lot of pressure to get stuff done in a certain timeframe, and their coming is not part of that.  Men who see sex workers are paying good money and have a lot of expectations of what they will get with that money, and for the reputation of the parlour, these ladies are not wanting their clients to miss out on their list of activities, this can come at the sacrifice of their own pleasure.  Also, they might have another client coming to see them just 15 minutes after the current one leaves so to risk being a little over time by allowing themselves the indulgence of enjoying themselves fully could cause a lot of strife for the rest of their shift.

While I sometimes come during bookings, particularly if I am genuinely asked for pointers on what works for me, if I am nearly there but not quite and doing something different will help (usually a change of position or technique) I am quite happy to offer a hint or suggestion to really make things mutually beneficial.  I like to think that a little suggestion I make can be remembered by my gentleman caller, and this could go a long way to making their regular partner just a little bit happier.

However, sometimes things will not work.  Pressure or stress will not help.  An example of this would be if a man would insist on “making me come” without adjusting an unsuccessful technique, to be honest, it would make me get a little performance anxiety.  As well as that, (see image above) I can’t relax into it if there is no connection with a man, or he is not that touchy feely, or if he seems in any way disdainful of my body or who I am (ie if I sense he looks down on sex workers), or if he is not that communicative. (Yes! Naughty talk counts as communication, so bring it on if you are not feeling too eloquent!)

Women feel the same sexual anxiety as men.  Just as men, for a myriad of reasons, can not sometimes get it up, or maintain an erection. (Often this is not necessarily an ongoing thing – they may feel that their partner is expecting too much of them sexually especially if it is the first time, or they may be nervous, or highly stressed because of work situations, or just need time to get used to seeing this sex worker, in which case I always recommend a return visit – by then any inhibitions are usually worked through and the sex is often better than ever.)

And just expanding on the above, if I was with someone who is not that into me but just wanted to see me come for his ego’s sake without the slightest bit of interest in what actually pleases me, I would be able to tell, or my body can tell, and it would make me self-conscious, maybe this is even a subconscious thing.  Coming is an intimate thing, it is a certain vulnerability, and if a woman opens up and comes with you, while you are offering her that gift, she is also offering you a gift.  Women, even sex workers, don’t have to turn it up for everyone.  Obviously, no sex worker is expecting her client to be ragingly in love with them, that would just be ridiculous, not to mention unnecessarily complicate things where it’s best for things to be kept simple.  But they, at the very least, have to be into her, her body.  Otherwise, they have a better chance of making a blow-up doll come.

Time is a big thing.  I joke with my friends that to have a series of mind-blowing orgasms I need at least four hours.  During the first hour, the lovely man is preparing food for me and feeding me my favourite treats: mouth-watering, fresh, organic fruits most probably.  Then maybe we take a little bath or spa together and after that he gives me a delectable, soft and sexy massage, rubbing his warm hands everywhere.  The stars are definitely on their way to alignment for my delicious pleasure then.  We then head for the bed and maybe there is some slow, sexy music.  We lay down on some clean sheets and he …. well, that would be telling, but you get the picture.  Apparently there is a male sex worker in Melbourne who offers this very service.  If I can find him when I am ever over there, I would love to indulge in a luxurious session like this.  Of course this is an optimum scenario and not usually possible for sex work but with the right attitude, even a short amount of time can be an opportunity for both parties to experience unbridled ecstasy.

I know there are tutorials around on the internet about how to make a woman come, but really they mean nothing if there is 1/ too much pressure on the woman to “perform” an orgasm and 2/ no intimacy or warm up.  That’s why my four hour scenario above is such a luscious idea.

*If you’re a fan of Flight of the Concords you may wish to watch this video here.